I am sure that you are thinking: 'Wow, why almost title there is a word TRUE? Because a lot of times we deceive ourselves and we make confusion about the presence of God, New Birth, Baptism with the Holy Spirit and True Encounter With God. Well, it all started with a simple desire and curiosity to know who was the Holy Spirit that the pastor usually was speaking in all services.I started to seek because I wanted to know His will in my life.It was a very interesting experience that I still remember that day so special and sooner you will understand why it was an experience and not a encounter. Ok, it was a service on Wednesday, the whole church in one faith, and all seeking, tearing their soul to achieve that so dreamed ENCOUNTER!!
For the first time, I felt wrapped in the arms of God, was a truly unique experience, because I didn't know How it was, I just heard the comments.
Ok, from this experience came the desire to be baptized by the Holy Spirit, as I was not satisfied only with His presence !! I wanted HIM to dwell Inside of me, I wanted a change in my life!
And then I discovered that I was wrong!!
Wow, you must be thinking: but How wrong, if the HOLY SPIRIT CHANGES OUR LIFE? For one side you're right dear reader!!
But we can not forget that this Baptism only happens in the lives of those who are repentant of their sins, and in the lives of those who actually acknowledged that walked in ways that were not of GOD'S WILL.
But the purpose of Baptism happen when the candidate has a deep desire to win souls and be completely passionate about their salvation and consequently in this baptism we conquer our SALVATION! ! ! Because who is SAVED SAVES !!
But if we see the other side , we emphasize that what brings change to our character, our thoughts, our human nature, in short it all: OUR WILL and our fleshly desires, is the NEW BIRTH, to be born of GOD.
So, dear reader, I did a lot of confusion about this, and I believe many are also. It is an experience that we never know how and when it will take place in our lives and we do not know in what order!!
That will depend a lot on your surrender and your attitudes.
Well, after that experience of God's presence in my life, I began to fight for the baptism of the Holy Spirit because always pastor was preaching in the service if you Want to be a servant of God, you must be baptized with the Holy Spirit!!
Well, I started to face a constant struggle between the devil's voice and the voice of GOD!!
Then that's the point!!
Yeah, so for me to recognize the voice of God, I had to be born of God, because until then, I had not been born.
So whenever sought God at that moment the pastor use to say: - SPEAKING IN TONGUES.
In that right moment came a thought: don't speak, because it will be equal to the pastor and can not be like that, or the language that you will speak, is not from GOD.
So began to rise within me, a fear of SPEAKING IN TONGUES.
But always when I was seeking God, I was speaking in tongues, but in my MIND.
So I looked for help, guidance of an assistant, who was always willing to help me. She was always ready to help me in my doubts!!
I came up to her and said what was happening.
She simply said that I would have to consecrate myself much more, in fasting and having my purposes with God, so that he would eliminate these thoughts that the devil had placed in my mind in that Right time when I was seeking.
And then I started doing my purposes, but something was wrong!! I looked for her again and said that I was doing what she had asked me, and still had not received my answer! With a friendly smile she told me: My dear of course, God will not come down here and move your tongue for you to speak, but you have to give your first step!!
Well, you can start saying hallelujah and glory, quickly, but in spirit and in truth praising God, and soon you will start to speak in tongues.
Well, I was again, in all services, at home, talking and glory hallelujah and NOTHING.
Then I was again after the Assistant, asking her to clarify doubts that was in my mind.
All final of the services I was after her saying: Today I did not speak in tongues Assistant ! I told her, there's nothing happening of what you told me!!
She told me: Do you know why? You're anxious, and anxiety is not from GOD!!
Then further complicated things in my head.
Well, I put in my head that God did not want to give to me His SPIRIT!! Every service I was crying, not feeling God's presence anymore, bitterly wept for thinking of having been rejected by GOD.
It was very painful for me, because every service I listened a lot of people, the assistants and the pastor speaking in tongues!
Then the pain increased and always asked to GOD:
LORD WHY you don't Want ME?
One Sunday, the pastor who took care of the CANDIDATE told me: My daughter, you have no desire to be Assistant? -I started crying bitterly because I felt rejected by God!! He said: why are you crying? -I told my whole story to him.
He told me: YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT AND YOU DON'T KNOW YET!! -I said, how can I have if I do not speak in tongues pastor into words? But I speak in my mind!
He told me: Because you are afraid to speak, but like you told me you speak in mind, you are baptized and do not know it!! -Then I said: What I want is to be used by God pastor, take care of Souls!
He told me : be part of the class of candidates and you will understand a lot!!
Ok, I started to attend classes every Sunday and i was not so much worried about speaking in tongues, and of course he told me for me to be Assistant I had to speak in tongues. So that anxiety was abandoning my heart, and I had more attitude than words, so I started to have more control over those thoughts. After a while in class, the pastor began to interview me and always wondered: Are you speaking in tongues ?
The answer was always NO!
He interviewed me 3 times, and the 3 I denied.
There came a time that I became so revolted, I bent my knee at night at home and I did a challenge with GOD, because for me at that time, was a challenge!!
I said: My God, if you Lord wants to use me, AMEN! if you Lord does not want, remove from within me the desire to serve you, I do not know where it came from!! The only thing I want is the confirmation that the pastor told me for me to seek that I am already baptized.
After that prayer, that desire grew more and more inside of me.
That day I made a mini vigil in seek the Holy Spirit at home 12:00 NIGHT until 04:00 in the MORNING.
It was the day most magnificent, wonderful of my life.
I began to speak in TONGUES!! It was the most IMPORTANT and SPECIAL moment of my entire life.
Well, it was on Sunday early in the Morning, I went to church Very happy to tell the Assistant that was helping me, I Want to tell her the good news, I was expecting the pastor to interview me again, so that I could be Assistant. But disappointment was greater in That day, the pastor nor looked at me! I returned home disappointed and bent my knee and talked with God: - My God, what is that now? Are you joking with my face?
First of all I had no confirmation of Baptism and the pastor was talked with me all SUNDAYS!
I soaked and I was answered, and now I have received confirmation, he never even looked at me!
Now I know that the Lord really does not want to use me !!!!
God replied: "DAMN is THE MAN WHO TRUSTS IN MAN"The man has nothing to give to you, what you are seeking is my answer and not man's answer.
What you seek is in my HANDS!!
My dear reader, after that day, never I never went to class candidate anymore. I Stood at the church door evangelizing every day. I put in my heart if God wanted to use me, nothing would prevent it, I know that HE would make a way because it was not so with DAVID? God met him and he was hiding behind the sheep!!
This is what I did and I told God: -Well, my God, you knows my heart and knows where to find me!!
I left HEADQUARTERS (where I attended meetings), and started going to a church that had opened in the tiny NEIGHBORHOOD where I lived there and began to evangelize! I Spent three weeks after that episode, who appeared in that church?
I was stunned, and had no words!! Precisely!! The pastor who took care of the group of candidates at HEADQUARTERS.
He arrived as who wanted nothing, passed by me after saying GOOD AFTERNOON and looked the church! Neither asked for the pastor.Morning
He returned to the exit of the church and told me without asked me anything:
From TODAY on you are an Assistant, do you understand my daughter? Yes pastor!!
Guys, I had nothing to say!!
It was as if God himself responding to me at that moment my complaint! After that day, I could testify that God wanted to use me greatly, because I felt likewise DAVID, chosen by GOD.
It was too strong for me, because when we less expect it, the answer comes!!
Well, I was serving God by 1 year and a half, when I discovered I had not BORN OF GOD!!
So it was a relief to discover in time, so that I could still be used more and the same time was painful.
It was very difficult to pass this stage in my life, so I won, because I really knew that God was with me and also the desire to BORN of GOD's was much greater than that which was passing phase.
This phase was in my marriage, when by an attitude assed, because I have been independent in my life.So deeply did not understand what was being submissive, and when I came to understand, would not accept being dependent on anyone! Always I was very authoritarian, because I had always fought for my life, I had my car and my job!
So because my father taught us to always have to be indepedente, then that was planted in my heart.
And because of that seed planted, I had to pay the price for BORN AGAIN.
Next part of this post will come soon.
See you in the next post my friend.
Be blessed.
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